Had another wonderful night out with my friend and his sister and fiance. Went to Olive Garden and saw “Lawless” afterward.
However this was at a price. I left mom home alone for the first time in a while. Since we moved, I feel she gets the idea we are going to be best buds and hang. Which is fine and I actually have no issues with that. But when she calls me selfish and says I spend more time with my friends than her, it hurts.
Of course I am going to go out. I’m a 20 year old university student who is trying to find herself and come into her own as an adult. There is a lot I need to chart for myself, by myself, even though I regularly include people to add to it. It bothers me when she calls me selfish and self absorbed. Does she really know how much I have sacrificed of my life and time just to be there for her in the past when dealing with my dad? Does she know the amount of turmoil it has played on my emotions and how worn my heart is? Does she know I moved not for myself but for my sister, so I could try to include myself in her life, even with the 15 years between us? There is so much I have given up and passed on for other people.
When it comes to her, I cannot win. Because of her, I am now only working at the daycare one day a week as it was a suggestion of hers to fully quit, yet I will not do that. For her, I have tried to do what she wants for my life but I still manage to screw things up.
And don’t even get me started on my personal life. Ok, stay away from that.